The loss of a loved one is something that inevitably happens to all of us at some point, although it isn’t a topic that any of us want to think about. If there are children in our lives, there’s an added pain of worrying about how to explain the death to them. We don’t want our children to suffer, so we might agonize over how to help them process their grief while we are grieving, too.
If this sounds familiar, try to take comfort in knowing that you’re not the first person to walk this path. Here are some tips that might help your entire family process grief and promote long-term healing:
No one is to blame
Every child is different; however, it’s safe to say that children don’t understand grief in the same way that adults do. Dealing with the loss of a loved one can be particularly traumatic for a child or teenager.
Children under the age of six years might have particular difficulty understanding the concept of death. To reduce self-blame, it is important to comfort your child. Be approachable and help him or her feel safe asking you questions. Try to help your kids understand that the loss of your loved one is in no way their own fault.
Who we are while we grieve
One of the most intriguing aspects of grief is that it makes us exaggerated versions of ourselves. For instance, introverts are more likely to withdraw from others and seek quiet solitude while they grieve. That’s why it’s important to allow your children to feel whatever it is they’re feeling during the grieving process, and remind them that you’re here for them.
On the other hand, grieving extroverts are more likely to find comfort when surrounded by others. While this may be perceived as an unhealthy way to grieve, some extroverts may find that it actually helps them heal. In this case, it’s important to encourage your kids to express what they would like to do to help them through the process.
Additionally, most children and adults who feel vulnerable during a time of grief might begin behaving and reacting in ways that they did when they were much younger. This is called regressive behavior, and it is quite common. If you witness your child regressing, you might consider having him or her talk with a counselor to address and treat the problem effectively.
Grieving together as a family
Children grieve just as deeply as adults do. Regardless of age, anyone who is currently experiencing grief may feel especially vulnerable. That’s why it is often easier to process grief when we feel supported and know that we are not alone. Remain open about your feelings instead of trying to hide them, and share happy memories about your loved one together.
If you have the resources to do so, consider setting up a nonprofit in a loved one’s honor; ZenBusiness can walk you through what this entails. Associating the departed with a good cause is one of the best ways to emphasize your love and devotion to them and will help perpetuate their memory for years–perhaps even decades–to come.
The loss of a loved one can leave a void in our lives and bring long-lasting grief. Whether the loss of a loved one was sudden or expected, there is no easy answer to the question of how to help a child grieve. When implementing the advice listed above, it’s important to arm yourself with the knowledge of your child’s personality and your family’s unique situation. Try to help your children understand that it isn’t their fault, and be ready to support them through their grief. By grieving the loss together as a family, you can help yourself and your loved ones heal.
If you’ve recently lost a loved one, Heritage Mortuary provides personal and professional final arrangements so you can celebrate their lives and begin the healing process. 702-852-1464
Hold A Chapel Or Home Memorial Service
One way to honor your loved one’s life is by arranging a memorial service. It is the family’s decision to have the cremated remains (ashes) of your loved present or not during the memorial service. Families will coordinate with our professional and caring funeral directors to ensure their loved one’s cremated remains present. After the family has decided if the loved one will be present. Then, the arrangement style should be known, as it will become the driving factor for how the memorial service will flow from event to event and or from person to person. There are two types of structures concerning memorials services: formal and informal. If you would like to celebrate someone who has passed in a formal way, call 702-852-1464, and schedule an appointment with a funeral director/arranger to reverse the chapel for the memorial service. They are the experts in planning these services and handling everything with compassion, and families rely on them to make final arrangements. Chapel services also give extended family, friends, co-workers, and acquaintances the opportunity to grieve and share their condolences with you in a formal setting.
About Fifteen percent of the families, we serve want to honor their loved one in an informal way by holding a chapel or home memorial service. Heritage trusted cremation experts are even available to you, your family, and your small group of friends to guide you through a beautiful informal chapel memorial flow to honor your loved one family style. This event allows the sharing multiple loving memories to include a slideshow, short talks, poems, music, food, and end with a dove or balloon release. On the other hand there is the home venue. The Home memorials give smaller groups of family members a chance to come together and mourn in a more comfortable setting, more casual, and often are held in a potluck style. Where family comes together with photos and spends time talking about their loved one. Family and friends will draw strengthen from one another as they laugh and share good memories. These memorial services incorporate meaningful gestures to honor your loved one. For example: There maybe a life story board on display, a memory table set up to share a memory, huge photos on display of the loved one, personal affects of loved ones, prepare and share his favorite foods and play his favorite game.
Both memorial styles may be either as formal or as informal as the family would like. They may be as religious or as void of religion as the family would like to celebrate. In short, the main purpose; set goal, and or outcome is for family and friend to gather and celebrate the life of their loved one. While celebrating your loved one do not forget to ask the children if they would like to be involved. For children of age grief just as adults’ grief. However, a home memorial services may be a more comfortable environment, making grief easier for the child. Some kids
need help coping with grief, and they may not be comfortable at a traditional funeral. A home memorial service, however, may give them a chance to grieve with family members in a familiar setting. Kids also are creative, and they may draft a story, tell your loved one’s favorite joke, or make a piece of art for the home service. Encourage their creativity to help them through their grief.
What to Expect Before the Funeral
You should know that we've taken great pains to make your experience with us as easy as possible. Here's how:
- We've put a lot of work into making our funeral home a pleasant place to spend time. That means our interior design is easy-on-the-eye, the rooms are spacious yet cozy, and the furniture is comfortable.
- Our staff is both professional yet personable. We believe that when you leave, you'll consider us more than funeral directors; we'll be well-on-our-way to being friends. Friends you can really trust to compassionately care for your loved one... and for your family.
- We've streamlined the funeral arrangement process. Since we've been making funeral arrangements with families for a very long time, we've had ample opportunity to learn the easiest, most efficient way to get through the process. Believe us when we say; it won't take as long as you think.
- Our team is trained to handle all the details. And we do mean all of them. From filing insurance, social security or veterans administration paperwork; to greeting and bidding farewell to your guests—and everything in between.
Exactly What Happens at the Funeral Home?
- When you come through the front door, you will be greeted warmly by a staff member. Names will be exchanged, and hands shaken in cordiality. Some words of comfort will be offered.
- Once informed of the reason for your visit, you will be directed to the funeral director's office or arrangement office.
- Before the funeral arrangement conversation goes very far, you will be given a copy of our General Price List, Casket Price List, and any other appropriate price-related documents. This is done to ensure compliance with the Federal Trade Commission's Funeral Rule.
- Share accurate biographical details of the deceased to assist the funeral director in completing relevant paperwork; and
- Come to an agreement about the plans for the funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life.
Clearly State the Facts
- The deceased's full name
- Their Social Security number
- Parent's names
- Spouse and children's names
- Maiden name of mother
- Marital status
- Educational history
- History of military service
- Work history
- Hobbies and interests
- Church affiliation
- A list of organizational and club memberships
- A recent photograph
Planning for the Funeral Event
- Pre-arrangement papers, if applicable
- Clothes in which to bury or cremate your loved one
- Cemetery property information, if applicable
- A list of preferred charities for memorial donations, if applicable
- A list of pallbearers, if applicable
- Desired musical and readings selections
In the End
What to Expect During the Funeral
- We do our best to provide adequate parking facilities. Yet, parking may be hard to find, so do your best to arrive 10-15 minutes early.
- Depending on the location of the funeral, your entrance may be governed by protocol. Often, guests are asked to remain unseated until the family has taken their seats. Sometimes ushers are provided to escort you to your seat. If you're unclear as to what's expected, just watch others for your cues--or ask the funeral attendant.
- Again, depending on the location, the ceremony may be officiated by a pastor, minister, celebrant or funeral director.
- Remember that the front seats are intended for immediate family members, so choose a seat near the middle; or if you didn't know the deceased well, sit near the back of the room.
- You may receive a copy of the funeral order-of-service, which details what will happen during the ceremony. It will tell you exactly which hymns will be sung, and specifically names the prayers to be read. It's like a program at a theater or symphony performance: the funeral order-of-service is a very handy thing to have. If you're given one, hang on to it.
- Depending on what's in the order-of-service, you will have the opportunity to participate in various activities. You may be asked to stand to sing a hymn or kneel in prayer; only participate to the degree you feel comfortable.
- If the service is less traditional and more a celebration-of-life, you may be asked to close the service with a release of a balloon. Or you may find yourself requested to place a flower in the casket. Some families ask their guests to write a note to the deceased and place it in the casket. We suggest doing only as much as you feel comfortable doing.
Will People Cry?
How to Leave the Funeral
Call Us to Learn More
What to Expect After the Funeral
The Early Days After Loss
What is Your Relationship Status?
The Paperwork
- Birth certificate
- Driver's License or State Identification Card
- Passport (if applicable)
- Marriage certificate
- Divorce papers (if applicable)
- Deeds and Titles to real and personal property
- Veteran's Administration Claim Number (or service discharge papers)
- Recent Income Tax Forms
- W-2 forms (if employed)
- Recent hospitalization records
- Insurance documents: Life, Health, Automobile (there may be more than one policy in each category)
17 Things to Do After the Funeral
- Before you do anything, get a notebook. You'll want to record the date and time of every phone conversation, email or postal communication; if you did it, write it down. Be sure to include the full name of the person you spoke to, their job title; and their employer identification or extension number.
- Request certified copies of the Death Certificate. Speak with one of our funeral professionals to determine just how many you will require.
- Check to see if deceased had left a will. This may require contacting the family attorney, checking your safe deposit box or home safe or the state Will Registry.
- Get the mail redirected, if applicable. Visit the United States Postal Service website to learn more about how to submit a Change of Address form. Or stop by your local post office.
- Stop health insurance coverage. You may need to provide them with additional information, so keep your relevant paperwork handy.
- Contact employer or union. Determine if there are any death-related benefits available, ask (and answer) questions, and change any relevant contact information.
- Make sure to pay the bills. Some folks have their bills paid automatically, but if this isn't the case here, you'll need to take care of them before they become delinquent. If you fear delinquency, you may wish to speak with a representative to work out a payment plan.
- Initiate probate. Even if you're not the executor, if you have an interest in the estate, it's possible for you initiate probate court proceedings (but only if the designated executor of the estate fails to do so in a timely way). You may want to find and hire an estate settlement attorney.
- Notify utility departments. Depending on the situation, the accounts may be closed, or the account owner's name and contact details changed.
- Transfer title of real and personal property. Whether it's an automobile, boat, motorcycle, RV, or plane; you'll need to inform your state department of motor vehicles of the change in ownership. At the very same time, notify any related vehicular or personal property insurance companies of the change in status.
- Close or modify credit card accounts. You will probably need to provide each of them with a certified copy of the death certificate. Again, keep that set of file folders handy.
- Contact life insurance companies. Not everyone has life insurance; but some people have more than one policy. No matter how many policies were in force, you will probably need to provide each of them with a certified copy of the death certificate for each claim made.
- Notify other policy holders of the change in "Beneficiary" status. If your loved one was a designated beneficiary on the insurance policies; investment or banking accounts of other individuals, then you'll need to notify them of the death of a beneficiary.
- Arrange to close or modify bank accounts. Depending on your relationship to the deceased, you may be entitled to convert into your name.
- Change stocks and bonds into your name. Again, this depends on your relationship status to the deceased. To do this, you'll need to provide certified copy of the death certificate to all organizations involved.
- Report the death to other agencies. Depending on the age or military status of the deceased, you may need to notify either the Social Security Administration or the Veterans Administration (or both). Other agencies of interest include membership organizations (professional or avocational associations, Masonic lodges, Rotary Clubs, gym and golf course memberships — just to name a few).
- Tend to their digital estate. If they were active on social media, you'll need to inform the specific networking sites of the change in status. You will need to close email accounts as well as any online banking portal or investment accounts.
Do You Have Any Questions?
Find Sometimes to do now that your loved one is gone
Donate Books to a Local Library in Memory of Your Loved One
Memorial Book Drive
Free
Public libraries thrive on donations and this is a way to honor the memory of your loved one. This is done through donating books to individual (s) in his name. You may choose to donate your loved one’s favorite book, books about his illness that will help others cope with the illness, and books about topics that your family member loved. You may even chose to go and read books that your loved one enjoyed to children to give back to the community in honor of your loved one.
Business
$19 per month
Travel in Honor of Loved One
At Cost
You can take those trips that your loved one always wanted to take. and write letters to your loved one along the way. See if this is something that the family and friends may want to take part in to start their healing process, You may want to consult a threptic prior to leaving for guidance and for further direction.
Organize a Fundraiser or Memorial Gift in Memory of Your Loved One
Another way to honor the legacy of your loved one is to fundraiser in his name. If his death was due to a disease or disorder, you can hold a fundraising drive and donate all proceeds to a nonprofit organization relating to the medical condition. As MindBodyGreen points out, these types of events bring people together in the name of your loved one and help you spread kindness in his name. You also will feel a little better knowing that you are helping others in memory of your loved one.
Similarly, memorial gifts are an ideal way to honor your loved one. You could contribute to your church, a local nonprofit, or a charity that was important to your loved one; to make your contribution have even more impact, you could ask family members to add donations to yours. For example, if your loved one was a sports enthusiast, you could give LA Dodgers tickets or tickets to see the Diamondbacks – whatever was their favorite team – to the local youth league or coaching association. It’s a great way to memorialize your loved one while giving back to the community in their name.
Families also request memorial gifts donations to a specific causes or charities in lieu of flowers. It is nice to follow up with each donation gift respond with a thank-you note from the family to the individual (s) who made the memorial gift in honor of your loved one. The Spruce shares examples of how to write those notes to make it easier. In order to receive additional informational from our trusted staff on how to create one of the above events, please click the below link and give us a call at 702-852-1464.
Donate Books to a Local Library in Memory of Your Loved One
Book donations may benefit the entire community, as everyone may borrow them. Libraries place special placards inside the donated books stating the books available in someone’s memory. Each time someone checks out the books you donate. They will read your loved one’s name. How special is this; a true way to honor your loved one. At the opening of each book, as they read your loved one’s name everyone will know how special they must have been to be honored in such a way.
No matter what way you may choose to honor your loved one. The only relevance is that you celebrate them in an honorable way. This blog discusses three ways to honor your loved ones after the cremation process. Those three ways are chapel/home memorial service; a fundraiser/memorial gift and donating books. Chapel and home memorial services are a cathartic way for your family to honor the memory of your loved one in a meaningful way. As you work through your grief. You may honor your loved on by organizing a fundraiser, asking for memorial gifts for charities in their name. and donating books to a local library in his memory.
Heritage Mortuary is dedicated to serving the people of our local community by providing personal and professional final arrangements at one of the most challenging times in their lives. Contact us today for more information at 702-852-1464.
